Why “be the better person” is bullshit advice for someone from a dysfunctional family

Trauma Central

dys  Forgive and forget…

You need to let it go…

Put your pride aside…

Be the better/bigger person…

You’re better than that…

Don’t let it bother you…

All this advice is a big, steaming crock of shit!

For those just tuning in, I’ve chosen to go no contact with a specific family member. This means no talking, visiting, phone calls, text messages, nothing. When some people hear this, they jump straight from their soapbox onto their high horse and proceed to lecture me about how I need to “be the better person” and let this family member back into my life because, well… it’s just something I have to do.

The people that give me this advice either don’t know shit about dysfunctional families, or they don’t give a shit about my emotional well being. Either way, I don’t have time for their namby-pamby bullshit.

Newsflash for the armchair relationship…

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It’s not what you think

Source: It’s not what you think

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Spiritual Bypassing, Relationships and the Shadow

Piercing the Veil of Reality

“It is understatement in the extreme to say that spiritual deepening is not necessarily a benign, nice, neat, or comfortable process. Initially we may flirt with spiritual opening, doing some meditation practices, reading spiritual or metaphysical literature, trying out different teachers and teachings, perhaps hoping that our spiritual experiences will make us happier or more successful, but when we go — or are compelled to go — beyond spiritual dilettantism and cultism, reaching the point where we don’t give a damn about being spiritually correct and where spiritual deepening is not an option but a fundamental need, we find that it is much more of a sacrificial process than we bargained for, necessarily bringing us face to face with all that we have turned away from, risen above, or otherwise avoided in ourselves.

We have an astonishing ability to fool ourselves, and an equally astonishing ability to cut through what’s in…

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Love Letter Remembered

Running In Water

IMG_2949I wrote this last July, when I found myself sitting with depression.  I am posting it again, to remind myself there is always tomorrow, always a do-over, always an opportunity to embrace your shadow with compassion, vs. fester in self-criticism.  

Dearest Beloved,

Let me be your ground, your deep and winding roots that are so established, there is no fear you will fall.  I am flowing water, washing away anything that is less than compassion, less than love.  You are a beautiful creature, created perfectly in My image; nurturing, fierce, full of love.  Why does your heart-break so?  Why does it feel like the highest of frequencies, one that is capable of breaking glass with one long, sustained note?  I can feel the anger, pain and fear that has settled in the path you walk as wife, mother and teacher.  Unplug, empty, and let it wash away.  Fill yourself…

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How the sociopath wins your trust, to lure you in!

Dating a Sociopath

It’s the ultimate con… !

Have you ever wondered, ‘how did I get here?’ ….. Do you remember the strong person that you once were? Do you remember the person that you were prior to meeting him and wonder? Just how did this happen? When did it happen? How did I allow this to happen? HOW did I deserve this? SNOOKI-GOOD-PERSON

It is easy to think that this is your fault. You need to realise, that it is not your fault. The sociopath operates a mind trick, the quick con that anybody could fall for.

  • He will ask a lot of questions in the beginning – which lead you to believe that he is interested in you. You then tell him the GOOD side of you (who doesn’t?)
  • The trick is to repeat BACK to you, what you have already said, when you were outlining the good side of you. So…

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Erotic poem

Mumma D - just another mother?

My gaze slides over his body
Like the rain – caressing down a mountain’s side
Glistening, pausing – gathering as I go.
Every bump and crevice
The landscape has to offer
Then, as all things end
I pool together – far below
Turn to mist
& ready to start again
I travel high
Swirling, Dancing
Momentum building
My heart in a storm cloud
My brain, ready to pour
My soul – Eager to soar
My imagination in a spin
When a droplet touches your face
Do you ask it, ” Where’ve you been? ”
Do you cast it away
Or gather it, deep within?
Do you shut yourself – inside – away from the rain?
Or do you dance amongst her,
Even if, it’s just for a little while?
Partake – in the dance
Dancing brings re-growth
& all things old
Begin – Again.

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Anti Bikie stance – Hypocrisy

The Anti Bikie law was started by Labor and opposed. Then suddenly over night after trouble on the Gold Coast, the liberal party was able to push through their amended version actually making these laws unlawful in the eyes of civil liberties and human rights under the constitution. Mr Newman has so many people fooled by his play on words or acts of doing “right by the community” that all this would be considered a joke if he wasn’t in a powerful position to make our lives worse then they already are.

http://www.parliament.qld.gov.au/documents/hansard/2009/2009_11_25_WEEKLY.pdf

scroll 62 pages, you’ll find it. Anti criminal association bill.

Once read, it’s undeniable that this party are hypocritical, manipulators and liars.

I’ve never been one for politics, but these actions have given me no choice but to make a stand as they not only conflict on my views with equality and freedom but they also have this sickening feeling that they’ll impact on all I care about. My children have a right to be safe as law abiding citizens without it affecting our rights as Australians.

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